


Hisoka Files his Taxes

by ChurchOfGamzee



Series: Season Two: FLIGHT [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 09:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16513532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChurchOfGamzee/pseuds/ChurchOfGamzee
Summary: It's Tax Season in Hunter Squared lanfd!





	Hisoka Files his Taxes

One fine morning, Hisoka got up from his bed. Hmm, Hisoka thought.

No. He would NOT Get up! Existing in any mortal realm is too exhausting, and Hisoka would not deal with that nonsense.

He went back to sleep.

* * *

 

Then he woke up again after the crabs invaded his dreams. He could not sleep. There were monsters nearby. His Crafting Knowledge would help him. Hisoka knew one thing; he had to outlast the monsters of crabs in the dreamworld. But what could a nasty little man like himself do in the mean time? 

Hisoka then went into his kitchen because he had no idea what to do. Thn, he saw Illumi, slav squatting in the corner, consuming copious amounts of mold and dirt. He looked up and realized Illumi had broken into his house and completely obliterated his door. What a good friend he has! He has wonderful friends. It's one of the little joys of being Hisoka: along with Fighting literal children, for some reason. Whatever, man. #HisokaLyfeHisokaPride

"Hello Illumi :)" Hisoka greated, as he set his water cooler on fire. 

"Hisoka," Illumi said, getting up to burn the molds that were growing upon his shirt... thing does Illumi wear a shirt?? I forgot Hang on let's see. It's A Weird Tank Top thing but I'm calling it a shirt, because in H^2 land, There's no Rules, Just some Jewels. "It's Tax day."

Oh Shhhhhhoot really?? He had no idea, and he spent the rest of his money on things he did not need. "Hell yeah!!! let's eat those Taxes" He did not say, because this was a very bad situation. "Illumi, I have been commiting tax inevasion for the past 8 years. I Can't Break that streak! But i don't have money!!!"

"It's ok, we all commit tax evasion once or twice." Illumi said, patting Hisoka on his spaghetti infested back. "Like the kids say, Fuck Capitalism, am I correct?"  
  
No... NO!!! Illumi was wrong!!! The Kids were wrong!!! How Could anyone enjoy Tax Evasion.... twitter prevents fraud... NO!!!!!!! Hisoka threw the burning water cooler onto the floor, and his house was burning. Then it was Reduced to Ash in like, Five seconds and Hisoka and Illumi were fine, or sometihng. Before the Gravity of his Hubris could hit Hisoka, he noticed something poking out from the pile of ash. "Wh, what's this?" He asked to nobody, brushing the ash off it. It was... a chest, that read "USE IN EMERGENCY." 

"" HISOKA _CREID OUT, being so happy, that he neeedd to use Language 2 to express his Happiness. THIS HAD TO BE MONEY, HE KNEW IT!!! he Could Finally pay his taxes, and be a peaceful little hermit upon the streets of San Francisco. 

"I was going to bring some of the delectable molds to those attending the reception... but I'm glad you can pay your bills" Hisoka said. 

"Oh yeah," Hisoka said, before it hit him-- "Wait, you're Attending a Reception?"

Illumi took off his Hisoka mask, to be truthful to his friend. "Yes. Did I not tell you I am marrying Batman?" A Scream echoed throughout the catacombs of San Francisco. "Ah, here he comes now"

A Limbo pulled up to Hisoka's sad, sad Excuse of a house. Then, the Limbo exploded, and an Anthrobat came out nof the explosion. It Screamed again, using the powers of Ecolocation that can be yours for Seven easy payments of 6000 years of evolution to adapt to remaining within caves, and general places that lack light.

Illumi gave a very dreamy sigh. "I Love it when he says that," before giving him a smorch on the nose. Illumi, a furry? Huh. Makes sense, when Hisokie-poo thinks about it.

"We'll give you a lift to the government offices," Illumi offered. "Then you can attend our wedding."

"Oh yes!!!" Hisoka said. Finally, the good parts of Existing.

-~-Traveling Montage-~-

Alright.... taxes time.

Hisoka arrived at the very important government buildings, chest in hand. Ah, A bush! Simple! Bushes are easy. They understand the finer pleasures in life, like photosynthesis, chlorophylls, oxygen, all that fun stuff. The bush thrust the papers in front of him, as best as a bush could. Which wasn't well at all but Hisoka kneww this was a Bush of high class. He filled out the papers, and thrust his chest forward.

"This, I believe" he said, breaking into a dance, "Will be more than adequet payment for my services towards society." Hisoka then left, becaause he had a wedding to attend! 

Hisoka arrived at the church where Illumi and Batman's special day was to occur. Moseying inside, he didn't see the pews, but looking up, he realized--

"Illumi!!!" Hisoka His-ollered, causing illumi to become ill-tentive to his location "Why are the pews on the ceiling?"

"I Am Marrying A BatMan." Illumi explained "I Want a Bat Wedding With him." 

Then the wedding started, and hisoka sat on the ground like a looser because he did not have the Assistance of [Mr. Clompy](https://www.homedepot.com/p/OOK-1-lb-1-1-8-in-Clear-Plastic-Suction-Cups-with-Hooks-4-Pack-54402/100212757), because Home Depot was just a legend in the world of Hunty Squared. Still, Hisoka could dream about entering the promised lands of home depot, he knew It Existed within his Mind.  And as the bat wedding went on, Hisoka wished he wasn't being a looser sitting by himself, because Bat weddings? Some of the best he's seen, at least if you're on the ground.

Well, the Wedding ended at around Dusk, so the Illumi and Batman could partake in Bat things, not as two people, but as a married Couple that's ever so in Love. They waved goodbye to Mr. Hisoka, and before Hisoka Could set up a tent for the night--

"*Angry Bush Noises*"

Ah, the bush from earlier.

"Listen, bush," Hisoka started. "I Paid my taxes in full with what was in the chest. That should be more than enough for y--"

Looking into the Open Chest, Hisoka realized he did not hand over spare money he had, but rather, his Yaoi collection! Is the bush mad?!? Yaoi is priceless, especially in this economy. He wasn't going to jial because someone had some shit taste.

Hisoka throw lighter on bush and hte bush bruned, just like his house-- Nessecary Sacrifices, but painful ones.

"NO!!!!" Knov Cried out. ["I JUST REVIVED MY DARLING FROM THE LAST INCIDENT](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13473717)!!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!!!"  
Hisoka Giggled. "And what will you do, Jail me?"

(Hisoka would come to regret those words)

* * *

 

"Hey, Killua!" Gon said, walking over to his buddy, with a news paper in hand.

"Myeah?" Killua said, looking up from whatever Killua usually does. Murder, I think. Good for him either way.   
"Check it out!" Gon said, thrusting the news paper towards him, and Check out the headline Killua did, to process the following:

" **Sad, Strangle -4 Inch Clown Dubbed Hisoka Arrested for Murder."**

"Offender shall be jailed for life until further notice."


End file.
